he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
