Kiss
Puke
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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