I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
