when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
