Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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