respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
