so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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