I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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