just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
