Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
