This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
PANTIES FOUND
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