Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
