i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
