all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
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