I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
