SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
