I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
