What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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