Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
