If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
