I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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