You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
