1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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