i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
