Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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