she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
