i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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