Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I have post one night stand depression
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