Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
