You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
