omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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