You're completely useless in the revolution.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
