Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
