lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
