Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
