what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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