2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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