census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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