I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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