Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
