I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
