Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
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