Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
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Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
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Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
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