Who did Billy Mays play for?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
