Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I need to stop coming to work sober
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Randomize
