oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
