You really coming over, don't trick.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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