I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
