she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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