We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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