I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
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I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
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