I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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