you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
