the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
that is very illegal...i love you.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
