You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
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