I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
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