i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
