8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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