I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Too much gin, very little bucket
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
