I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
birth control should be required to get into college
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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