i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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