Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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