Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
