I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
