when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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