I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
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She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
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I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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