Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas