you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
23 People Have Step Parents That Are Younger Than Them
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..