Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
We got so high we made milksteak
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank