it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
you win again, gameday.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
