New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
