booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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