Having a random hookup so left but love u
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
