I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
