She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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