There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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