I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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