everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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