he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
