we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
